I’ve realized alot in the past few weeks. And still I feel like I dont know whats going on. But what I do know is that unconditional love is really hard to come by. You can say that you love someone and then never speak to that person again. But Im talking about those people that are there for you no matter what and that is unconditonal love. Ive found that I have that in my family. And my best friend. No matter what happens in this crazy unpredictable world, I know that these people will be here for me reguardless of any circumstance and will always love me. My best friend has known me since preschool and we have been to the moon and back. The best times of my life have been with here and even when we arent together I know that she has made such a big part of who I am today. My brothers are my rock. We have a bond so close because we have all gone through so much in our family together and we have always grown up to have each others back. They are the greatest brothers you could ever ask for and I am beyond blessed to have the close relationship that I have with them. And my mom….. Where do I begin? We have had some really emotional and tough times together being the only two women in our household. She has set such an amazing example of what a woman and mother should be and over the past couple of years I have really become so close with her I feel like she is my best friend. More importantly I learn from my moms mistakes and faults and see what I truly can be in life. She is amazing. Just being around her lifts my spirits and makes me happy… I am slowly starting to be happy. I have these people for my support and I know that it is just enough and all that I need right now.
I felt it , the wire touched my neck and, someone pulled it tighter,
I never saw it coming,
I started to black out,
And someone said good morning, I took it as a warning
I should of seen it coming……..
Life is just too short to not make a difference.
Fuck the people who take advantage of your weakness, especially when they are someone you love more than life itself
Ever feel like you have done nothing but make all the wrong decisions in your life??
That’s all I’ve been feeling. Questioning my whole life. But I’ve realized……
I just need time for ME. Forget everyone else right now and their feelings. I just need to do some serious soul searching…..
Lemme start tumbling again!
sometimes idk what to do. sometimes i drift into thought and completely lose myself in who I am. But at the same time ive never felt so sure. Sure that I am where im supposed to be, doing what im supposed to, and that i am on the right track. Ive never been so happy and lost. One day I will wake up and know what I want I want to be, and other days I question everything. But one thing is fersure, I have never had such an amazing group of people around me who can help me, motivate me, and bring me to the highest point of life that i never thought I could reach. for once in my life I have no doubt that the people in my life are truly there for me. They care, want the best for me, and will do whatever they can to make sure that i am OK. That means alot. You cannot go through this world alone. As much as you may want to think that. You were not born alone, and you cannot die alone. You need people there to protect you, guide you, and help you on your journey in life. You just have to weed out the ones who hold you back, from the ones who want you to move forward. Someone who cares about you truly will never let you walk away mad, never left you down, and will never put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. It has to be someone who truly cares about your well being. ANd for me Ive found out that family is the main part that does that for me. Ive never been so close with my familly. I know that at the end of the day, they will have my back and be there for me, even though I have not always noticed it, they always are the ones who stick it out, at least in my family. My brothers are willing to fight for me when I dont have the strength or the mind to, they check me when Im not inbalence, and they let me know when Im fucking up. And thats realitly. In the past Ive taken what theyve said as rudess or immaturity, but no other words have been spoken more true. They love me unconditonally. I know this. And know I have realized I need to listen to them more because, they are my blood. Theyve gone through everything I ve gone though. They know. They understand. They want the best for me. They have seen me go though what I have gone through, and even expeerienced most of it, and that is the reason I trust in them so much. When my brothers tell me something, i know its true and dont doubt them for a second of their loyalty. Its towards me. always. Ive been blessed to grow up with two brothers. They made me tough, which is somehting alot of girls dont have. They have given me insight into a mans mind, which I never got because my father was never there. Even that is a blessing because I know my brothers have learned from the absence of a father figure, how to act and be a man. I am beyond blessed.
As for my mother, she has done the most amazing job raising us 3 kids on her own. She has been mother and father for almost 18 plus years. And even though shes fought her own demons, shes managed to make us all the most comfortable and well behaved children she could. Her two oldest are in college. Her youngest (learning from our mistalkes) I know is going to go to great places in his life once he is out of highschool. She is my roll model. She puts her kids first no matter what, and is the biggest worry wart you will ever meet, which is the biggest sign of uncondtional love if you ask me. I admire her so much. But also I look at her mistakes and have learned. Thats how I knew when I got Martin, I would never let him go.
Martin. He is sweet, Kind, Gentle, Loving, Unselfish, Most loving, and most genuine person on this earth. If you know him, you know this. He doesnt have one mean bone in his body. If you think different, you must have really fucked up. He bends over backwards for the ones he loves, and gives his loyalty to those that prove themselves. He loves like there is no tomorrow. He has the abilty to make you feel like youre the only one in the room, the only one that matters, the only person he cares about. For me, I think we understand each other more than anyone else would. WE have been on the same page. We have gone through some things that no one has even known about. We just know. Without saying a damn word, we know what the other one is thinking. What drew me so close in what his immediate happiness and generosity. He is an angel. He has a smile on his face no matter what, and i have been blessed to see the days he doesnt, and comfort him when he needs to be brought back up. Over the past few years, Ive realized, Im his weakness. Which was hard for me to swallow at first, but thebn realixed that he was mine. The kind, sweet, overly nice guy was what I ran from. But being with him made me realize that was right. The nice ones, are the keepers. Unlilke in my historys past…. He brings me up, never down, only to share his sorrows and bring him back where he needs to be. Its no problem. Because he did that for me. I was at such a low place in my life duw to others bringing me down. He taught me self worth, admiration, and love. Which gave me the strength to move on from bad situations in my life. He is my protector, my love, and my world to show me what he has. I know he always has my best interest at heart, and for once ive never had to doubt his intentions.
Im blessed. I truly am. And even when you have the most amazing people around you, you still have you figure out things for yourself. but having those people there helps you alot. I have so much direction in my life and goals, that I cannot let these people down. Not only that but myself, because they have helped me realize my true potential and what I need to do to make my life all that it should be. I wouldnt change a damn thing about my life. Ive loved it all, from the betrayal to the tears to the vindication, I am who I am. And sometimes, thats all I need to remind myself that Im doing the right thing.
i feel sick to my stomach…